Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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