Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
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He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This is the high leading the old right now
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
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I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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