I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize