I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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