even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
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Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
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He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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