The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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