You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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