What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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