I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize