if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
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I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
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Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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