rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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