Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
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When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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