so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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