I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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