If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize