Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
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In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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