Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
this will be a night to untag.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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