i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
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