i wish starbucks made bloody marys
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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