That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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