Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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