Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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