Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you traded sex for a burrito?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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