Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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