He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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