Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
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Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
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It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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