Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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