I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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