An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize