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She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just had sex bonerless
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
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