Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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