So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
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I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
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Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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