she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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