I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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