im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
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He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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