it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
there's paper in my vomit.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize