Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
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one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
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He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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