Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
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she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
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I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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