:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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