he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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