Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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