why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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