Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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