He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
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She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
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just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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