I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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