Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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