i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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