Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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