Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
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Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
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I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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