Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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